Ode to Laptops

I know I haven’t written in here for awhile, but the professors’ new laptop policy has really got me peeved. So, I’m back for now at least.

For those of you who aren’t up on this, teachers are increasingly banning the use of laptops in class. Even the professors that aren’t banning them are restricting their use. Two of my classes require that I take hand-written notes. The class I’m writing this in prohibits the use of laptops except for word processing.

They give paternal reasons for it. “You get distracted.” “You distract your classmates.” “It impedes discussion.” “You write everything down.” Each of these reasons is bs. Let’s go through the list!

1.) You write everything down.

Oh yeah, heaven forbid we actually listen to what you say and take notes for our own education. The only reason you shouldn’t want us writing down what to say is if you have no idea what you’re talking about and are afraid that some student acting like a court stenographer provides the administration with a transcript of your own incompetence.

The thing is, this isn’t even generally true. If you are a remotely competent student, you know that there are somethings that are worth writing down and somethings that aren’t. I take the same amount of notes regardless. I actually spend more time taking notes when I’m writing the notes out and I miss much more of class because it takes me longer to translate what is said onto the page.

Speed isn’t the only reason why taking notes on a laptop is better than handwriting them. The biggest reason is that you can actually organize your notes. Some professors try to give you an outline at the beginning of class, but anyone who’s ever spent time in class knows that sometimes we dabble into topics that were taught previously. If there is something noteworthy, I either end up with my note buried amongst unrelated material so it’s impossible to find quickly or it’s crammed onto a page with materials that it are related, but because there’s no room, it is completely illegible meaning that it is totally worthless to me when I go back to study for my exams. Thanks professor!

2.) It impedes discussion.

On its surface, this appears to be completely true. When I’m checking to see if someone’s made a funny comment on Deadspin, I’m not really participating and discussing the great issues in class with my class mates. Here’s the thing though: I can talk to my classmates about this stuff at anytime. The best discussions about the law with my classmates have taken place outside of class rather than in it.

Why is this? Well, Virginia, it’s because you talk outside of class, the gunner trying to get brownie points is negated to some degree. In class discussion is usually dominated by a couple people who like to hear the sound of their own voice. My property class was like this, with two or three people talking every class. Sure, you could pretend that was enhanced discussion, but really, all they did was repeat what the professor said back to him.

Outside of class, discussions can be frank. You can tell people who have vapid, regurgitated statements to take a hike or you can just walk away from them. If you tell some kid in class he’s an idiot, that comes off as rude and hurts your standing with the professor. Outside of clas, many people will applaud your putting the automaton in his/her place.

Basically, everything that’s good about class discussion can be had outside of class. You just have to be willing to put forth the effort.

On top of this, my friends and I usually have discussions within class. That’s right, we get on IM and chat about what’s going on, asking questions concerning something we don’t’ understand. You may say “But that’s exactly the problem! Raise your hand and say it so the whole class can hear!” No. I don’t’ want to get into a debate with Gunner McGee. I don’t care about his opinion. I’ve already heard him ape the professor’s statements enough. I want actual insight or a different take from my friends. If we hit a point where we can’t figure out what’s going on, then we raise our hand and as the professor. We eliminate the fluff and ask a question that actually moves the class forward.

Computers improving efficiency?! Asking good questions? What a couple of crazy ideas

3.) You distract your classmates

Oh my Godding God. I have spent a lot of time being bored in class in my time in law school. I doodle in my notebook, I surf the web. I cannot remember ever being distracted by someone’s web browsing. Even when I run out of things to check online, I don’t go looking at my compatriots screens. I can’t believe someone who is actually wanting to focus on class can get distracted by someone playing a game online. You have to be as OCD as Adrian Monk for that to happen.

Even if yo do have the focus of a gnat, this can be corrected by sitting in the front of the room. Generally speaking, when you sit in the front of the room, the people around you aren’t going to be surfing the web. It’s too hard to hide that you’re not paying attention and far too dangerous as you could very well invoke the wrath of the cold call. If you can’t pay attention because you’re spying on your classmate’s computer, that’s pretty sad. Next thing you know, you’re going to be touching and counting every parking meter or pole you walk by. On the bright side though, you’ll also be a fantastic detective.

4.) You get distracted

Finally, we get to the main argument against us having laptops in class. Instead of listening to your brilliant description of mens rea, we’re finding out that Angelina and Brad might be on the outs (OMGZ!!!!!11!!!!1).

The only argument that holds any weight in this discussion is that you want to make sure we learn as much as possible in class since we’re the future of the University of Virginia’s reputation. If we get out and are incompetent, then that’s not good for the school. While I respect this position, the fact is, if we’re unable to handle law school while we have access to the internet, how the heck are we going to be able to practice law when we have access to the internet? ESPN.com doesn’t disappear from our web browser just because we pass the bar. Our inability to practice self-restraint when presented with temptation will be far more problematic to or success as lawyers, and thus the university’s reputation, than us missing a couple minutes of your lecture while reading ever will. The removal of laptops basically creates a contemporary Hadleyburgesque situation in class.

If you want to get us to stop web surfing in class, make it impossible for us to score well in the class if we’re not paying attention. Or, you could just teach better. I know, that’s a shocking alternative. God forbid you actually improve yourself rather than lashing out punitively at your students.

Also, we’re paying to be here. We’re all adults. At this point in our life, we should be allowed to make our own choices. If I want to watch someone getting hit with a shovel on youtube instead of listening to you tell me what qualifies as consideration because I know I can just go read it in the book later, then that should be my prerogative. When I screw off in class, I’m not hurting anyone else, except for the OCDers. I am just quietly minding my own business and getting what I want to out of law school. Professors should respect my ability to choose and stop being paternal. If you feel that you’re that important that I have to pay attention to you, then make yourself that important. Otherwise, let me read the news and chat with my friends about what’s going on in class.

DVD's in the Library

Dear Jackasses Who Smudge the DVDs,

Please, grip the DVD's on the side and possibly even in the middle. Also, do not place the DVD's anywhere but your DVD player or the DVD case. That way, when I get the movie out, it won't be randomly skipping because you smudged the hell out of it.

Thank you.

Beautiful Charlottesville

Today was one of those days that UVA should package and send out to all of their prospective students. By the time I wandered into class today (10 am classes are quite awesome), it was in the mid-sixties.

Now, some of you (those from the Southwest and California) are probably wondering what the big deal is. Well, in most parts of the country, February is a time where we freeze and our extremities attempt to burrow inside our bodies. The fact that I got to wear shorts comfortably today was an amazing thing.

Days like these don't show up often in New York or Boston, so for those of you looking at those metropolises for jobs, well...maybe consider the weather and head a little further South.

UVA is more fun anyway.

Course Evaluations

One of the great things about UVA is that you can see all of the teachers evaluations. Glancing through, I came upon this gem:


http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2007/11/19


That's right boys and girls, UVA students read Penny Arcade too. Plus, they've apparently read Dante's inferno and subscribe to Nietzsche's school of thought that which does not kill you makes you smarter.

And We're Back

We are now back, returning to UVA for a second semester. I still don't know my grades so this second semester really could be short lived.

I got back into town last week, just in time for the giant snow storm. That was pretty damn exciting since people in Virginia don't know how to drive normally and definitely cannot handle the snow. First, the road crews just aren't equipped to take care of it. Second, the solution that people in VA come up with is to drive 10 MPH under the speed limit, but to still keep doing the aggressive driving that's so popular down here.

Look, there's enough traffic on 250 so that the road actually gets cleared in the lanes because of the traffic. You're basically driving on just regular wet pavement. You don't have to go 10 MPH slower (except around turns, more on this in a minute). However, the whole cutting someone off is really bad because there's still the chance they'll be hitting a slick spot so that they can slow down. The accidents I saw were almost all caused by this.

However, there was one that wasn't. Up by the Law School, there's an exit from 250 bypass that's only accessible going east. Someone decided to take the offramp at a high rate of speed and ended up putting their SUV/Truck hybrid throughly in the ditch. If I had a camera, I would have taken a picture.

So to review: Don't cut people off. Don't take turns at high rates of speed.


Coming up later this week: thoughts on my profs and the whole new slate of classes.

Twas the Legal Night Before Christmas

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter, the "House" a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to, to wit, a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., et al., had been temporarily affixed by and around the chimney in said House, with appropriate care, in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a St. Nicholas a/k/a Santa Claus (hereinafter, "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in or around their individual sleeping locations, or beds, and were nestled and engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein visions of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums (without and not meeting FDA labeling requirements) did dance, cavort and or otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part, (sometimes hereinafter referred to as I ("I")), being the joint owner or tenant-in-common in fee simple absolute of the House, with the party of the second part, (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep (at such time, the parties of both parts were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap) for a long, seasonal ("winter") nap.

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance ("clatter"). The party of the first part ("I") did immediately arise and rush to a fenestration ("window") in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance. In the process, the party of the first part ("I") mistakenly tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The party of the first part noticed the moon, in full phase, on the topmost part of the new-fallen snow. The party of the first part was informed and believed, and based upon such information and belief, alleged that said moon gave the lustre of mid-day, otherwise known as noon, to objects below. At that time, the party of the first part ("I") did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the top of the porches, walls and/or roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit with white fur, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe, and blowing circles that resembled wreaths in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

The party of the first part observed that Claus's eyes would not have passed a field sobriety test in that they twinkled. Moreover, Claus's facial expressions (i.e. "dimples") appeared overly joyful. As further evidence of his state of being, Claus's cheeks were very red, almost like roses, his nose was likewise red like a cherry. Claus's mouth could have been said to look like a bow, and the extended hair growth under his chin could likewise be said to be as white as the snow.

Although Claus did not speak, he did laugh, which caused his rotund stomach area to move about in a manner similar to, but not quite like, a bowl full of jelly. Claus thereafter immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"

Or words to that effect.

Finally Done

Ranking my exams in order of difficulty, hardest to easiest

1.) Criminal Law- Dear Lord in heaven. If I next time I tell by reading a statute whether it's MPC or commonlaw, it'll be the first time. I did not consent to the sexual contact that test made with me. There's a legitimate chance this test could cost me my spot in law school.

2.) Civil Procedure- This one wasn't a huge surprise. Civil Procedure is so rule based that there's a chance you'll get hit with one you weren't too sure on. Well, That definitely happened to me.

3.) Torts- Duty. Breach. Causation. Damages. Next Issue. Duty. Breach. Causation. Damages. Next Issue. Duty. Breach. Causation. Damages. Next Issue. Duty. Breach. Causation. Damages. Next Issue......

4.) Contracts- easily the easiest of the finals. I just went line by line through my outline to make sure I covered all the major topics for each question. Probably the easiest to analyze, even if Contracts isn't excessively intuitive.

Hopefully, I did well enough to qualify for another semester.

Shawshank Redemption

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,317100,00.html

I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK

Sorry for disappearing. Some personal things came up and then when I got back to school other things (video games, books, movies) took precedence over the blog.

Anyway, since I've exhausted all the other forms of studying, and because I received an e-mail from TJ's Doubleplay asking why I died, I figured I could post a couple of thoughts about exams.

First, for whomever chose 8:30 am for 1L's exams, I realize that we're the bitches of the law school, but seriously, push this back to 9 or 10. 8:30 is way too damn early for most of us.

Second, how the hell do some of my co-students write so much? I'm coming in around 10 pages on my exams and I hear people talking about writing 15 or 20 pages. That last number has to be a lie because I"m pretty certain that you'd have to be a trained typist to come close to 20 pages in a three hour period, especially if you read the question. I realize I may be shorting my self on these answers, but seriously people, what the hell are you writing?

Third, I recognize that teachers should challenge us. However, the practice exams should not completely mislead us, like some of the practice exams my teachers handed out have. We had multiple exams that all asked very similar questions for practice. Then, when it came time for exams, the questions were COMPLETELY different. What was the point of the practice exams? It wasn't like we had answers to check ourselves against so we couldn't even find out if we were answering the practice questions correctly.

Fourth, STOP JACK HAMMERING IN THE LIBRARY DURING EXAM WEEK!

Holy Crap

I would like to thank TJ's Doubleplay for linking me because that one link doubled the number of visitors to my blog, not for the day, not for the week, but doubled the total number of people that had ever visited it. And, it was for one of my sloppiest entries ever.

So, I'm a little torn. On one hand, it's cool that people actually came to read what I had to say (probably got angry since I ripped on the most popular way to save your seat in the library). However, it was such a bad example of writing that they probably think I'm a dumbass (justifiable).

Anyway, there would normally be a spike in entries to try to encourage all of the new readers to return, but I have a personal matter that came up. So, all of this new traffic is wasted forever. Which makes me sad. I'd like to have a commentator community on my blog.

UPDATE: The reason that Google Analytics rules is because I can see how people got to the site. TJ's Doubleplay is responsible for 76% of all referrals that have come to my site. God, my blog is insignificant compared to his (hers?).

To People Who Leave Their Laptops Unattended In Order To Save Their Seat In the Library

Greetings! As you obviously are aware, we have an honor code here at UVA that leads to you getting expelled after one incident. One of these violations is stealing. There is very little crime at UVA, which is attributed (by silly people) to this Honor Code. In actuality, the laptops are probably not stolen at any higher or lesser rate than any other item left in a public place used by the same number of people as our law library. I mean, taking things in public places is hard to do if most people in that place are sedentary. YOu run the risk of someone knowing that isn't your computer, bag, etc. that you're running off with.

Anyway, I wish this wasn't the case, because when you walk into the library on certain days, there are like 30 laptops unattended, just sitting on tables. These laptops will remain unattended for upwards of three hours because their owners are off doing other things and can't be bothered to carry a five pound laptop with them wherever they went (or just dump them off in a locker). Instead, they make sure no one can sit in that specific seat in the library, so that they can have it when they get back. Why should they be inconvenienced when they can just inconvenience other people.

These are the people you hear about that keep on losing secure data. They leave their laptop places where it doesn't belong because they can't be bothered to take care of it. So thousands of people have their personal information in the hands of criminals. Sometimes, it'd just be better if someone walked off with their laptops now so that they'd learn their lesson instead of waiting until my SSN disappears.

Midterms

Here at UVA, we have graded midterms that don't count for anything. It's actually a really good system because it lets us take our first law school test without all the stress of our entire grade riding on it.

This is nice because law school tests are different from every other test I've ever taken. Math tests have one right answer. Science tests too. History tests require facts and English tests require bs. A law test is probably closest to being a combination of a History and English test.

You need facts (cases, restatements, etc.) and you also need to bs on a lot of stuff when you're not really sure what's going on. Now, that's also a pretty good way to look at litigation. You have to read the cases, get facts, and then bs them to help your case as best they can.

The one thing I wasn't really expecting was the necessity to talk about what the answer is not. Looking at the practice test my teacher put up online for us, I went through and was able to basically say what each answer was in a sentence. I knew I had to be missing something since people hyperventilate at the thought of law school so I decided to go examine the answers to see what the problem was.

Well, the problem is that you have to explain what each problem is not. Why does this rule not apply? What makes it different from this case? What things would need to be different to have that rule apply? It really was eye-opening.

I haven't seen what I got on my midterm yet, but I felt fairly confident i did Ok.

Comments

Comments are now unmoderated. So I no longer have to approve them so you can now see your writings on teh screen as soon as you write them.

Softball

Some of you may be aware that UVA has a major obsession with softball. I mean, this is hardcore activity at this school. People often claim to care more about softball than about law school. We like to call these people "winners" because I know that I also came to law school just to play softball.

I fail to really understand this obsession with softball. Look, I love playing sports (pickup basketball is my game of choice, but still). Here are reasons that I don't like softball.

1.) The arc required in slow pitch. I understand that some people have a hard time hitting a slow moving object in three dimensional space with a rounded stick. However, those people are usually eight. Normal twenty-somethings can have some sense of depth perception. And, pitching at such an arc actually makes it harder to hit the ball. Sure, the ball is moving slower, but it's dropping severely as it come towards the plate. If you're not good at hitting, you swing at the wrong spot. It's much harder to hit the correct spot than it is to correct the timing on your swing. So the actual result of the rule is contradictory to its intent.

2.) The arbitrary rules for the benefit of girls. I think I'm biased on this because in my neighborhood growing up, the girls all played sports with the guys. And the age relative kids were about equal, regardless of gender. My neighbor (girl) and I were the two oldest kids in the group and we were the best two at the sports and we were about even. When puberty hit, the only sport that I gaiend a real advantage in was basketball, mainly because I was stronger than she was so she couldn't stop me from getting to the basket. In baseball, I could throw a little harder and hit a little farther, but considering our competition and the yard in which we were playing, the difference was minimal.

That's why I think the rules that give benefit to girls are kinda sexist. I mean, if there's a guy who really sucks at softball, we can basically play 10 man infield. However, if it's a girl, the outfield has to be behind this arbitrary line in the outfield that most guys can't even hit the ball past. Also, the girls get more more allowed foul balls and a much larger outfield. If we're granting this much advantage to girls, isn't this just institutional bias indicating that we don't consider girls equal to males?

My neighbor is still better at baseball than some of the guys that play. She's actually probably better than I am at this point. She would shred these rules. Why should we treat her differently just because she doubled up her X chromosomes and is less likely to be colorblind? It's a minor thing, but I think that there's something wrong with it.

3.) Softball captains. Listen, our section voted you to be in charge of setting up games. Just because we have you do that, does not mean you understand the fundamentals of softball better than we do. Some of us may have played baseball, but, surprisingly, the way you field and catch is really quite similar. And no, I will not use both hands to catch a fly ball. This isnt' the last out in the world series. This is a random out in a softball game that means nothing. Whoop de doo. Get over it. Stop yelling at me about it.

4.) The fact that EVERYONE plays. 20 person batting orders suck. I know it's for fun and everything, but sitting around waiting to hit is not fun. In fact, it's boring.

5.) It's softball. The ball is difficult to drive, taking away a lot of the fun and the ball is huge, making it impossible to miss. For those of you keeping track at home, this means lots of nubbers out into the middle of the infield. Softball: Feel the excitement.

Apologies and Congratulations

First, I would like to apologize for the dearth of posts the last couple of weeks. I've been quite busy and sometimes it's difficult to find things to write about that aren't specific to me, thus revealing my secret identity. If some villain pierced my cover, it would render me virtually as an ace detective (10 Schrutebucks to anyone who knows the comic book movie that last sentence references. Leave your guesses in the comments).

Second, congratulations to you. YOu have helped make this blog the most read blog that I write on about Law School (note: So far, I only write on here). I had 5 page views last week. So, if you're reading this, you're getting on the ground floor for an internet phenomenon!

I swear this isn't a traffic blog

However, I find that the easiest thing to complain about is the traffic because it doesn't legitimately affect anybody negatively here. (This is a huge difference from my movie and sports blogs engage in rather severe name calling of certain people. I'm looking at you Orlando Bloom.

Anyway, I was trying to get to Alderman road from my apartment. First, I tried to go down Old Ivy. No dice. We had a football game here today so Old Ivy is closed to traffic heading towards Ivy at the Tunnel of Death. For those of you not familiar with the Tunnel of Death, there are train tracks running above the Tunnel of Death. The road narrows underneath these tracks because, well, why not? Why should engineers be expected to design a bridge capable of allowing two cars to pass by at once.

So, it was back up Old Ivy, onto the 250 Bypass, and through the Northern campus. Surely I can cross Ivy from Copeley.

Wrong. Besides getting stuck behind, count them, one, two, three, FOUR Sheriff cars, there was a police officer waving traffic through to the right. Or, back to Old Ivy. Thanks guys. That's really cool. Eventually, I just cut my losses and headed to the law school.

The thing I really don't understand though is the die hard affection for UVA football. Listen, UVA sucks at football. I hate to break that to everyone in this state, but at no point is this team going to be relevant. The high water mark for this program in the past 6 years was a 9-5 finish in 2002. Subsequent campaigns of excellence included 8-5, 8-5, 7-5, 5-7.

That's mediocrity at it's finest. On top of that, the program is 7-9 in bowl games. Not only do they not get invited often, they get invited to crappy ones and usually lose. So, really people, there's no need to mess up traffic on this side of Charlottesville for this kind of stuff.

Library Part II

Of course, the day after I write about the Library guy, he disappears. I've not seen him in a couple of days. Of course, the interweb was out here on campus so maybe he's only in the law library to l33ch it.

Update: Ah, there he is
-2:05

First Thing We Do, Let's Kill All the Lawyers

Bonus points to whomever gets that reference. Leave the answer in the comments.

Anyway, the longer I'm in law school, the more esoteric law references are funny. My small section and I crack jokes about liability, contracts, mens rea, Civil Procedure (actually, that's probably the least funny out of all of them. We just complain about all of the Federal Rules).

Probably the funniest thing I heard in law school I'm not going to write on this blog because I don't want it coming back to bite me during law interviews. Yeah, this "blawg" is anonymous, but I don't take great pains to keep it so. I'm sure that the University or Law firms can figure out who's writing it.

Regardless, I'll can tell you the punchline is "Your favorite case is Lawrence v. Texas." The set up is a direct quote of a question posed by a comedy from a few years back. Sorry to be so vague, but my career is at stake (think about it and you'll get it though).

Also, Avast Ye Landlubbers

Crocs

This has nothign to do with law school, but I hate those things

Library

The thing about Law School is that you spend an inordinate amount of time in the library. For some, this is because they wish to study. For me though, some of it has to do with living off campus for the first time in my college career. Where else am I going to go?

When you go to the library on a regular basis, you start to get a particular study spot. Today, I have been thwarted because the spot I normally sit has been overrun.

So, I was forced to expand my horizons and it sucks. I am a creature of habit. Most people talk about how they want to "shake things up" and "do something new." Not me. I like what I do. That's the major reason that I do it. Now, obviously moving in the library isn't a big deal. Still though, it's representative of how much of a creature of habit I am.

Speaking of creatures of habit, there is this one old dude that is in the same spot in the library EVERY single day. I'm trying to figure out what he's doing here. He's there until at least 5 every day and usually later. He's there all day as far as I can tell. There hasn't been a day yet or a time of day during the week when I've not seen him in there. This isn't a matter of us just having the same times off. No, even on days when I have a class cancelled and I'm in the library at a much different time than normal, he's there.

Who is he? What does he do? These are all mysteries that I may never solve. One day, I want to get in here at like 8 am and just sit in that chair all day. I want to see what he does.