Twas the Legal Night Before Christmas

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter, the "House" a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to, to wit, a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., et al., had been temporarily affixed by and around the chimney in said House, with appropriate care, in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a St. Nicholas a/k/a Santa Claus (hereinafter, "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in or around their individual sleeping locations, or beds, and were nestled and engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein visions of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums (without and not meeting FDA labeling requirements) did dance, cavort and or otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part, (sometimes hereinafter referred to as I ("I")), being the joint owner or tenant-in-common in fee simple absolute of the House, with the party of the second part, (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep (at such time, the parties of both parts were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap) for a long, seasonal ("winter") nap.

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance ("clatter"). The party of the first part ("I") did immediately arise and rush to a fenestration ("window") in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance. In the process, the party of the first part ("I") mistakenly tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The party of the first part noticed the moon, in full phase, on the topmost part of the new-fallen snow. The party of the first part was informed and believed, and based upon such information and belief, alleged that said moon gave the lustre of mid-day, otherwise known as noon, to objects below. At that time, the party of the first part ("I") did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the top of the porches, walls and/or roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit with white fur, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe, and blowing circles that resembled wreaths in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

The party of the first part observed that Claus's eyes would not have passed a field sobriety test in that they twinkled. Moreover, Claus's facial expressions (i.e. "dimples") appeared overly joyful. As further evidence of his state of being, Claus's cheeks were very red, almost like roses, his nose was likewise red like a cherry. Claus's mouth could have been said to look like a bow, and the extended hair growth under his chin could likewise be said to be as white as the snow.

Although Claus did not speak, he did laugh, which caused his rotund stomach area to move about in a manner similar to, but not quite like, a bowl full of jelly. Claus thereafter immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"

Or words to that effect.

Finally Done

Ranking my exams in order of difficulty, hardest to easiest

1.) Criminal Law- Dear Lord in heaven. If I next time I tell by reading a statute whether it's MPC or commonlaw, it'll be the first time. I did not consent to the sexual contact that test made with me. There's a legitimate chance this test could cost me my spot in law school.

2.) Civil Procedure- This one wasn't a huge surprise. Civil Procedure is so rule based that there's a chance you'll get hit with one you weren't too sure on. Well, That definitely happened to me.

3.) Torts- Duty. Breach. Causation. Damages. Next Issue. Duty. Breach. Causation. Damages. Next Issue. Duty. Breach. Causation. Damages. Next Issue. Duty. Breach. Causation. Damages. Next Issue......

4.) Contracts- easily the easiest of the finals. I just went line by line through my outline to make sure I covered all the major topics for each question. Probably the easiest to analyze, even if Contracts isn't excessively intuitive.

Hopefully, I did well enough to qualify for another semester.

Shawshank Redemption

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,317100,00.html

I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK

Sorry for disappearing. Some personal things came up and then when I got back to school other things (video games, books, movies) took precedence over the blog.

Anyway, since I've exhausted all the other forms of studying, and because I received an e-mail from TJ's Doubleplay asking why I died, I figured I could post a couple of thoughts about exams.

First, for whomever chose 8:30 am for 1L's exams, I realize that we're the bitches of the law school, but seriously, push this back to 9 or 10. 8:30 is way too damn early for most of us.

Second, how the hell do some of my co-students write so much? I'm coming in around 10 pages on my exams and I hear people talking about writing 15 or 20 pages. That last number has to be a lie because I"m pretty certain that you'd have to be a trained typist to come close to 20 pages in a three hour period, especially if you read the question. I realize I may be shorting my self on these answers, but seriously people, what the hell are you writing?

Third, I recognize that teachers should challenge us. However, the practice exams should not completely mislead us, like some of the practice exams my teachers handed out have. We had multiple exams that all asked very similar questions for practice. Then, when it came time for exams, the questions were COMPLETELY different. What was the point of the practice exams? It wasn't like we had answers to check ourselves against so we couldn't even find out if we were answering the practice questions correctly.

Fourth, STOP JACK HAMMERING IN THE LIBRARY DURING EXAM WEEK!

Holy Crap

I would like to thank TJ's Doubleplay for linking me because that one link doubled the number of visitors to my blog, not for the day, not for the week, but doubled the total number of people that had ever visited it. And, it was for one of my sloppiest entries ever.

So, I'm a little torn. On one hand, it's cool that people actually came to read what I had to say (probably got angry since I ripped on the most popular way to save your seat in the library). However, it was such a bad example of writing that they probably think I'm a dumbass (justifiable).

Anyway, there would normally be a spike in entries to try to encourage all of the new readers to return, but I have a personal matter that came up. So, all of this new traffic is wasted forever. Which makes me sad. I'd like to have a commentator community on my blog.

UPDATE: The reason that Google Analytics rules is because I can see how people got to the site. TJ's Doubleplay is responsible for 76% of all referrals that have come to my site. God, my blog is insignificant compared to his (hers?).

To People Who Leave Their Laptops Unattended In Order To Save Their Seat In the Library

Greetings! As you obviously are aware, we have an honor code here at UVA that leads to you getting expelled after one incident. One of these violations is stealing. There is very little crime at UVA, which is attributed (by silly people) to this Honor Code. In actuality, the laptops are probably not stolen at any higher or lesser rate than any other item left in a public place used by the same number of people as our law library. I mean, taking things in public places is hard to do if most people in that place are sedentary. YOu run the risk of someone knowing that isn't your computer, bag, etc. that you're running off with.

Anyway, I wish this wasn't the case, because when you walk into the library on certain days, there are like 30 laptops unattended, just sitting on tables. These laptops will remain unattended for upwards of three hours because their owners are off doing other things and can't be bothered to carry a five pound laptop with them wherever they went (or just dump them off in a locker). Instead, they make sure no one can sit in that specific seat in the library, so that they can have it when they get back. Why should they be inconvenienced when they can just inconvenience other people.

These are the people you hear about that keep on losing secure data. They leave their laptop places where it doesn't belong because they can't be bothered to take care of it. So thousands of people have their personal information in the hands of criminals. Sometimes, it'd just be better if someone walked off with their laptops now so that they'd learn their lesson instead of waiting until my SSN disappears.

Midterms

Here at UVA, we have graded midterms that don't count for anything. It's actually a really good system because it lets us take our first law school test without all the stress of our entire grade riding on it.

This is nice because law school tests are different from every other test I've ever taken. Math tests have one right answer. Science tests too. History tests require facts and English tests require bs. A law test is probably closest to being a combination of a History and English test.

You need facts (cases, restatements, etc.) and you also need to bs on a lot of stuff when you're not really sure what's going on. Now, that's also a pretty good way to look at litigation. You have to read the cases, get facts, and then bs them to help your case as best they can.

The one thing I wasn't really expecting was the necessity to talk about what the answer is not. Looking at the practice test my teacher put up online for us, I went through and was able to basically say what each answer was in a sentence. I knew I had to be missing something since people hyperventilate at the thought of law school so I decided to go examine the answers to see what the problem was.

Well, the problem is that you have to explain what each problem is not. Why does this rule not apply? What makes it different from this case? What things would need to be different to have that rule apply? It really was eye-opening.

I haven't seen what I got on my midterm yet, but I felt fairly confident i did Ok.

Comments

Comments are now unmoderated. So I no longer have to approve them so you can now see your writings on teh screen as soon as you write them.

Softball

Some of you may be aware that UVA has a major obsession with softball. I mean, this is hardcore activity at this school. People often claim to care more about softball than about law school. We like to call these people "winners" because I know that I also came to law school just to play softball.

I fail to really understand this obsession with softball. Look, I love playing sports (pickup basketball is my game of choice, but still). Here are reasons that I don't like softball.

1.) The arc required in slow pitch. I understand that some people have a hard time hitting a slow moving object in three dimensional space with a rounded stick. However, those people are usually eight. Normal twenty-somethings can have some sense of depth perception. And, pitching at such an arc actually makes it harder to hit the ball. Sure, the ball is moving slower, but it's dropping severely as it come towards the plate. If you're not good at hitting, you swing at the wrong spot. It's much harder to hit the correct spot than it is to correct the timing on your swing. So the actual result of the rule is contradictory to its intent.

2.) The arbitrary rules for the benefit of girls. I think I'm biased on this because in my neighborhood growing up, the girls all played sports with the guys. And the age relative kids were about equal, regardless of gender. My neighbor (girl) and I were the two oldest kids in the group and we were the best two at the sports and we were about even. When puberty hit, the only sport that I gaiend a real advantage in was basketball, mainly because I was stronger than she was so she couldn't stop me from getting to the basket. In baseball, I could throw a little harder and hit a little farther, but considering our competition and the yard in which we were playing, the difference was minimal.

That's why I think the rules that give benefit to girls are kinda sexist. I mean, if there's a guy who really sucks at softball, we can basically play 10 man infield. However, if it's a girl, the outfield has to be behind this arbitrary line in the outfield that most guys can't even hit the ball past. Also, the girls get more more allowed foul balls and a much larger outfield. If we're granting this much advantage to girls, isn't this just institutional bias indicating that we don't consider girls equal to males?

My neighbor is still better at baseball than some of the guys that play. She's actually probably better than I am at this point. She would shred these rules. Why should we treat her differently just because she doubled up her X chromosomes and is less likely to be colorblind? It's a minor thing, but I think that there's something wrong with it.

3.) Softball captains. Listen, our section voted you to be in charge of setting up games. Just because we have you do that, does not mean you understand the fundamentals of softball better than we do. Some of us may have played baseball, but, surprisingly, the way you field and catch is really quite similar. And no, I will not use both hands to catch a fly ball. This isnt' the last out in the world series. This is a random out in a softball game that means nothing. Whoop de doo. Get over it. Stop yelling at me about it.

4.) The fact that EVERYONE plays. 20 person batting orders suck. I know it's for fun and everything, but sitting around waiting to hit is not fun. In fact, it's boring.

5.) It's softball. The ball is difficult to drive, taking away a lot of the fun and the ball is huge, making it impossible to miss. For those of you keeping track at home, this means lots of nubbers out into the middle of the infield. Softball: Feel the excitement.

Apologies and Congratulations

First, I would like to apologize for the dearth of posts the last couple of weeks. I've been quite busy and sometimes it's difficult to find things to write about that aren't specific to me, thus revealing my secret identity. If some villain pierced my cover, it would render me virtually as an ace detective (10 Schrutebucks to anyone who knows the comic book movie that last sentence references. Leave your guesses in the comments).

Second, congratulations to you. YOu have helped make this blog the most read blog that I write on about Law School (note: So far, I only write on here). I had 5 page views last week. So, if you're reading this, you're getting on the ground floor for an internet phenomenon!